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Was thinking of posting of posting something on death. But decided against it.
I have been too well in the past few days I guess, reflecting upon my emotions and such actions.
I still distinctively remember one thing that I was asked
"What do I want to achieve?"
Perhaps, I have not been consistently friendly as such. But however, it is taking a toll on me. I have been thinking too much (as per normal) and it irritates me always.
Who to take as a friend?
Who to not take?
Why does this person suddenly ignore me when we had been talking the other day before?
And such...
The answer to this question might have been to my inconsistency in trying to project my own image?
Or whatsoever...
I have always told myself that human are the flickiest of all creatures and they might change in a second. That I should just learnt to let go and be friends to those that were my friends and to let go of those who just doubts me.
However, I am still a theorist. I have realised, in this days of trying to apply the theory practically, it is tough, as in the obstacles but also of the heart.
I am not all encompassing and such. I want to be, but failed too...
Perhaps, as someone said to me
"You have been too protective of yourself."
I believe it to be very true. However, angst still fills in. Deeply, I hate more than I would like to.
I hate a lot of things about myself, about not being as good as i want to. In fact, a perfectionalist mentality. Not accepting the real me as I would say.
I must thank for the friends that have stick with me despite my vulgarities and such.
Friends nowadays, are more commonly defined by companionship. However, I believe that I have not been very consistent. As in consistently being friendly and such. Sometimes, I am just scared. I would like to smile at all but would be just scared of being hurt. I have not been consistently projecting an image. However, nowaday,s people are more likely to remember the bad than the good. It is hard to for me I should say. Since I am in this world, I must accept it. It is almost impossible to be friendly to all.
I need to clam up a bit. Even if it is an excuse of being too protective of myself.
However, in the end, I would most probably realised that I am hurting myself the most.
Someone told me to just be dear to those that wants to be my friends and to let the other go. I need to do that.
Fuck The World
I have been too well in the past few days I guess, reflecting upon my emotions and such actions.
I still distinctively remember one thing that I was asked
"What do I want to achieve?"
Perhaps, I have not been consistently friendly as such. But however, it is taking a toll on me. I have been thinking too much (as per normal) and it irritates me always.
Who to take as a friend?
Who to not take?
Why does this person suddenly ignore me when we had been talking the other day before?
And such...
The answer to this question might have been to my inconsistency in trying to project my own image?
Or whatsoever...
I have always told myself that human are the flickiest of all creatures and they might change in a second. That I should just learnt to let go and be friends to those that were my friends and to let go of those who just doubts me.
However, I am still a theorist. I have realised, in this days of trying to apply the theory practically, it is tough, as in the obstacles but also of the heart.
I am not all encompassing and such. I want to be, but failed too...
Perhaps, as someone said to me
"You have been too protective of yourself."
I believe it to be very true. However, angst still fills in. Deeply, I hate more than I would like to.
I hate a lot of things about myself, about not being as good as i want to. In fact, a perfectionalist mentality. Not accepting the real me as I would say.
I must thank for the friends that have stick with me despite my vulgarities and such.
Friends nowadays, are more commonly defined by companionship. However, I believe that I have not been very consistent. As in consistently being friendly and such. Sometimes, I am just scared. I would like to smile at all but would be just scared of being hurt. I have not been consistently projecting an image. However, nowaday,s people are more likely to remember the bad than the good. It is hard to for me I should say. Since I am in this world, I must accept it. It is almost impossible to be friendly to all.
I need to clam up a bit. Even if it is an excuse of being too protective of myself.
However, in the end, I would most probably realised that I am hurting myself the most.
Someone told me to just be dear to those that wants to be my friends and to let the other go. I need to do that.
Fuck The World
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